Better - Aug. 23, 2022

 It is amazing what being treated by professionals who know what they are doing does to change your peace of mind. I understand that's a convoluted sentence. I'll explain. 

This last Friday, husband and I drove in the early morning hours to "the city" so I could have more tests done at a centre which is "all breasts, all day" as it was put to me. Apart from a slightly brusk (is that correct?) receptionist, everything was done at a much higher degree of skill, detail, and care. 

For those who want to know / care / don't get weirded out, my procedures were, in order, a contrast mammogram on both sides (I, at this point, was told I had cancer in my left breast), another very thorough ultrasound on the left side, and a stereotactic biopsy (one using mammogram to guide it) on the right side. Throughout all of these procedures, I was given explanation and detail and felt like I knew what was happening at every stage. I was treated with kindness and was provided with water, juice, and a warmed blanket. Every attempt was made to make the procedures as pain free as possible. I was given information that I didn't even know to ask about. There were even huge apologies provided because the biopsy was being delayed by an hour. I was told they were very thorough there, making sure that they knew exactly what was going on with my body. I was initially seen by a nurse navigator (there's that word again) who went over the day's proceedings with me, provided me with a very informative booklet, and gave me three phone numbers of navigators that I could call if I had any questions, concerns, or worries at all. 

Probably the biggest difference for me was the aftermath of the biopsy. My first biopsy was, of course, my first biopsy. I didn't know what was "normal", what to expect, how it should feel, etc. The bruising, pain, difficulty sleeping in a comfortable position, did I mention bruising? (think eggplant) took about a month to finally dissipate. 

This time, pressure was applied, a compression bandage was used, an ice pack was provided for the drive home, and a very detailed information sheet was given to me and explained. This was a much more "robust" biopsy and the difference in pain, bruising, swelling is mind blowing. I couldn't get over how little bruising and pain there is by comparison. 

I now wait until results are sent to the nurse practitioner who is overseeing things, and then an appointment will be set up with a surgeon at the same "big city" place who will determine the course of action. Yes, I know the wait will be weeks, but I feel confident now that these people know what they are doing. I feel that I will be given good, consistent, knowledgeable and skilled care. 

Yes, I still have breast cancer, but I now also have some peace of mind. I am now able to relax, focus on reading a book and having some of the words sink in (impossible a while ago). Yes, I still don't have a family doctor (and likely won't), but I feel taken care of by the professionals at this place and am so grateful that I made that choice for my next steps in care. I don't feel like I'm in this vacuum of lack of knowledge, although I still don't know everything.

 I am able to enjoy my time, laugh, notice the little things, proceed on a quest to find the dastardly tomato horn worms (shudder!!), think about getting a hair cut, binge watch the entire new season of Indian Matchmaker on Netflix, and freeze my peas from the garden to enjoy this winter. The other part of me is so angry about the lack of care that I have received at my little town hospital where this all first happened, and so angry at health care in general here in Ontario (or anywhere in Canada for that matter), but I'm pleased to say that the peace of mind trumps the anger right now. 

Almost wordless Wednesday

 Before I take you on a post-rainfall collection of pictures, I would like to say a very sincere thank you to all of you. Your comments on my last post have helped more than you likely realize. You are all special people.

A Very Different Catch Up - Aug. 12, '22

 I've been not writing this particular post for quite some time. More than a month now. I am still not sure I will click Publish, but I'm going to write it, even if it just sits as a draft.

I've been away from blogging due to a completely unforeseen circumstance. I've been diagnosed with breast cancer. I had no notion at all that anything was wrong. I had a regular, it's time for it mammogram, and got a call back the same day that they wanted me to come back in for "better images". I had to wait two full weeks for that second mammogram.

On that day, it turned out to be not just a second mammogram, but also a very thorough ultrasound, followed by a radiologist standing over me saying they saw a 'mass' and want to do a biopsy. 

If that doesn't knock the wind out of you, I don't know what does. Things literally close up around your peripheral vision and the world becomes very very small. When, when will the biopsy happen? When you say mass, do you mean cancer? Can I call my husband?

Well, the biopsy happened that very day, within the next 20 minutes, followed by another mammogram. Yes, a biopsy where they took what seemed to me to be four samples, followed by what all women know and understand if they've even  had one mammogram in their lives. 

I was told the pathology results of the biopsy would take five days. Here's the thing. Absolutely none of the time frames that I've been given have been the truth. Five days turned into two weeks. Yes, cancer confirmed. 

The other chapter to all of this is I do not have a family doctor. I am one of thousands and thousands of people in Ontario who do not have a doctor. Mine retired toward the tail end of Covid. He was supposed to be replaced, but that fell through. So basically for all of us Canadians, if something goes amiss, we go to the emergency room at the closest hospital (alas, my closest hospital has had it's emergency room closed at night for a long time, and now that bigger centres are also experiencing this, the media is in a flutter about what will our premier do to solve this problem. The problem has been around for a while.) I digress. When one does not have a family / primary care doctor, it makes things very very difficult when one is diagnosed with something like breast cancer. One feels a great deal of panic, anxiety, fear, mixed in with a huge dose of anger. I have been assigned a "patient navigator", and even that took quite some time to happen. She is lovely, but she's not my doctor. She is, in fact, a nurse practitioner who is wonderful, but unable to take me on as a permanent patient. She will, from my understanding, help me through the cancer process. I am being referred to an excellent centre in a bigger city, but even that has taken weeks and weeks from my official diagnosis date. Don't let anyone tell you that our health care system is perfect because we don't have to pay out of pocket for surgeries or procedures. There's a whole other level of let down.

So, that's my world right now. I advocate for myself continuously, phoning people, asking if they've found me a doctor (no, and likely, I won't get one), phoning for appointments, leaving messages, fixing other people's mistakes, and on and on it goes. It is exhausting to be your own advocate while riding the rollercoaster of emotions that I have read are completely normal to be experiencing right now.

I do not know what my treatment will be, as I still haven't had my appointment for further tests in the bigger centre, but it is coming up. I now know that I will have to wait at least two weeks for results to happen and then more time before those results make their way to my patient navigator. My brother and sister-in-law put me in touch with her cousin who has gone through breast cancer and she told me that the hardest part is the waiting. At this stage, I agree with her. 

Again, I am really opening myself up here, feeling quite vulnerable. Of course my immediate family knows, and my closest friends, but the community does not, so I'm not sure why I'm writing about it in a blog post for virtually anyone to read (ha ha, all the thousands upon thousands who read my blog) but I am, and there you have it. We have zero family history of breast cancer. I had no inkling that anything was wrong. I've never been a smoker and never took HRT. 

Please, as a favour to me, if you choose to comment, only positive stories of successes, women who beat this and have lived happy, healthy lives afterward. I am in no frame of mind to hear of anyone who did not and I will delete those. I do feel like many of you are "friends", as much as you can be friends with people you've never met, so I don't anticipate any upsetting comments, but I'm advocating for myself here as well. I also have heard that the stats are one in eight women will be told they have breast cancer. That seems pretty unreal, but it's what I've heard, and I know I'm certainly not the only woman to have ever had to deal with this, but when it is you, you suddenly feel very alone in your experience, and the unknown, and the waiting, dear lord, the waiting, and the sh*t show that is our healthcare system, well, it's all a bit much. And so I shall say adieu and decide if I shall click "publish".

July 3, 2022 With Silver Bells and Cockleshells...

 I now have time to dote on my outdoor spaces. I've also purchased a new sprinkler because my old one was barely spraying and impossible to adjust. Today I gave the vegetable garden a good soaking because it's been a few days without rain. 

I still have my stakes and strings and some small or vulnerable plants are covered with wire to protect them from rabbits. I'm pleased with how well things are coming along. 

For comparison, here is a picture from June 5, about a month ago.

It's pretty stark, potatoes aren't up yet, lettuce barely germinated, tomatoes just little plants.

Even my herbs have almost doubled in size. (Now I just have to remember to use them!) You can see my weeding stools, something I can't be without now - so I can weed for a chunk of time without too much strain on my back. 

I'm very pleased to see blossoms on the tomatoes.

I just haven't been hugely successful with tomatoes the past couple of years. I don't think I even canned any last year. Blight was a problem. This year I purchased all my tomato plants and they are big and healthy, as opposed to starting my own from seed. I'll be using my own lettuce on our burgers tonight. It's a start!

Sunday, June 26, 2022

 We've been experiencing a lovely stretch of nice hot weather. Perhaps some rain today which is fine by me for my gardens could use it. It was so hot yesterday that we spent a nice chunk of the afternoon in the pool. Our pool is heated only by some husband-made solar heating system so it takes some good heat to get it to a temperature that suits me. It was 83 degrees yesterday, so that's good!

The school year is wrapping up. Students attend until Wednesday the 29th. Teachers have one P.D. day, the 30th, to clean and re-organize their classrooms. I've been surprisingly busy with supply teaching this past week, and am booked for Monday and Tuesday. I've been part of two playdays (fun outdoor activities throughout the day, usually run by the older grades).  Then Friday is Canada Day, July 1st. I'd like to go somewhere to watch fireworks, as the last two years, of course, have been cancelled. 

The gardens are lovely right now. Many peonies were beaten down by previous rains, but the beautiful pink ones are still showing their colour. The delphiniums are on the cusp of blooming. This year, I have taken to bringing in a very tiny bouquet of blooms to put in a sweet little vase on the bathroom counter. I generally like an uncluttered counter top in the bathroom, but realized how just a small bit of my flowers made me happy each time I looked at them. Here are some dianthus that I cut last night. (I'm pretty sure they are dianthus, correct me if I'm wrong).

Previously I've had three peony blooms, mock orange, lilac, and siberian iris. The scent of the peonies filled the room. Do you bring flowers into the house from your garden?

This morning I brewed up some fresh hummingbird syrup. I have intentions of planting out two new hanging pots for the front porch, as the ones from Mother's Day have an unfortunate case of tiny aphids and are almost beyond saving. Two doses of insecticidal soap haven't made a difference. I shall cut them back to the extreme and dose them again, setting them away from other plants and hope for the best. Maybe I can bring them back to life. 

I continue to try my best to not spend, time gas fill-ups to the "cheapest" price (it is now $1.98 a litre, but I had to put gas in when it was well over $2.00), and look at the grocery store flyers for the best sales. It is beyond me how some people are managing right now (and I know many are not). 

Later I will have a zen hour or so, sitting on my little stool, weeding in my vegetable garden. I have now realized that my carrots have been nibbled off and I shall have to replant and sufficiently cover them. (Rabbits!!!). I am currently sitting at the computer in the kitchen and looking at my many lists I have made of things that need doing, but not stressing about them because it will all get done (or not) eventually. 

Ode to the Triangle Fly

source
 

Ode to the Triangle Fly

Triangle fly,  I despise thee.

Your presence is felt

in late June and July,

Your evil bite shall be dealt.

Some call you deer fly, 

Horse fly by others.

Your kind could be called

Truly evil mother futhers.

You literally follow me

As I work the homestead.

Alighting occasionally

Upon my hot head.

I try and I try 

Unsuccessfully to swat you.

Your persistence is commendable, 

'Tis your only virtue.

When at last you do bite

And I feel your impaction,

With my hand I do smash you

With great satisfaction.

Alas it is too late

The damage is felt

As my skin raises up

In a great itchy welt.

They say everything

Is on Earth for a reason.

Yet I see no benefit 

Of you in this season.

And so triangle fly,

What I am asking of you,

Is to leave me alone. 

I bid you adieu.

God, how I hate them. -Jenn

Amish Auction

 This morning we went just a couple of minutes drive down the road to the twenty-second annual Amish auction that raises money for their schools. The place was hopping when we got there at about 9:20 in the morning and was twice as full when we left an hour or so later!

It’s a consignment sale for tools, horse equipment, and furniture. As well there were plants, baked goods, and many quilts. The quilts get auctioned off as well. 

There are horses for auction, everything from wee little ponies ( and two little donkeys) to sleek ex- race horses for buggy use. 

We were hoping for Apple fritters, but settled for donuts and cinnamons buns!

Breakfast of champions!

There was also a big food tent for hamburgers, sausage on a bun, or slices of pie if you wished. Kettle corn was being cooked up in big vats. Rows of picnic tables, porta-potties, and hand washing stations provided comfort if necessary. There was a schedule for what was being auctioned and when. We weren't interested in buying anything, (but if I had a little barn, that donkey would have come home with me!) apart from baked goods. 

Car parking was provided in a cut hay field, complete with little guys in their straw hats directing traffic. Buggy parking was closer to the actual sale area. This is what it looked like when we came in the morning. 

These two pictures, above, were taken as we were leaving. There was also "horse parking" in a barn. We joked about, what if you took the wrong horse? I mean, I've walked up to the wrong Toyota Rav 4 in a parking lot before, there are so many that look just like mine! 

The quilts were displayed in a large tent. There were also many benches for people to sit on when the quilt auctions started. 

I loved looking at the horses. This mother and foal pair caught my eye. They were for sale. I wonder how much they will end up selling for?

Some of the buggy horses were gorgeous, all shined up for the event with their Showsheen. Did you know that the young Amish men like to purchase race horses as their buggy horses? It's similar to a young men wanting a sports car or muscle car. 

I'm always drawn to the draft horses. 

I don't think this pair was for sale as they had no numbers on them. They were gentle giants. 

This one obliged by turning and looking at me for a picture! I so enjoyed going to the sale. I was in my happy place with the smell of horses and fried onions wafting around me. 

We're home now and after another cup of coffee, I'm changing into shorts as the temperature is heating up and I've a good day of yard work ahead of me. Tons of rain mean lots of whipper-snipping and weeding.