Monday 12 April 2021

Catching Up - April 12th

 Let's just get to the point. When you stand a little too close to the burn barrel as you are feeding it dried shrub cuttings and other old bits of fauna, sometimes you get a little singed. As in, now when I put on mascara, there is a definite difference in the eyelash length of my left eye compared to the right eye. But since we are now in lockdown / shut down / stay at home, but still go to the grocery store / here we go again time, it doesn't much matter that my eyes don't match, but it still bugs the hell out of me!

So... this whole retirement thing is pretty odd. At first it just felt like a long weekend, or March Break (ha ha, which is now actually April Break). Then I had to fight the compulsion that every day had to count. I had to be busy every single day with something that gave me pride in accomplishing. I have spent a lot of time cutting back shrubs and old dried up perennials (and then burning the refuse). I have made decent suppers almost every night. I have organized and checked things off lists, and made more lists. I have read books and have a stack of three more to tackle. I have tracked calories and dealt with banking things (which I have a great fear of) and I have said a heart-felt goodbye to our old cell phone company and narrowed us down to just husband and I on our new plan (bye bye young adult son, you are on your own now!) and I have changed from flannel sheets to cotton. 

But this has to stop. Nobody is checking to make sure I have been gainfully accomplishing things of importance. You must understand, though, that when we were both teaching, we would hit the ground running at the very end of June, beginning of July, trying to make progress on house projects, or outdoor jobs, or automotive issues. "Time off" for us has always been filled with things we couldn't do when we were dead dog tired after long work days.

I even looked up some retirement things and discovered there are stages of retirement (kind of like stages of grief). Interesting stuff. I need to be patient with myself as I go through this mental rollercoaster of emotions. I truly think it wouldn't be nearly as odd, or tough if we weren't still slogging our way through this pandemic. I could be going more places, seeing more people, just enjoying more choices.

I heard today that Mr. Tightpants minister of education put forth a letter to parents yesterday that it was his wish to be sure that students stayed in school (this week is the delayed "March Break") after this week. Now today, a mere 24 hours later, Mr. Good Ol' Boy Premier of Ontario has announced that ALL Ontario schools (not just those in the hot spots) will be closed after this week indefinitely. I can only imagine how my colleagues are feeling right now. Trying to carry on a normal programme online is a nightmare. Speaking only for myself, I always wanted to stay in the classroom. I always wanted to have the kids there. 

Here's a bit of real time fun. I'm upstairs in our bedroom, my laptop on my lap. I came up here after supper. Husband just poked his head in the room wondering what I was doing, saying it was surprising that I didn't want to watch Coronation Street after supper. I told him I was fine, I was just doing some blogging. He replied, "Some mundane Monday." I said, "No, and actually I'd forgotten all about mundane Monday until you just mentioned it!" 

Anyway, there you have it. Now I think I will head back downstairs and watch Coronation Street (it is set to record daily), although truth be told, I am not enjoying ANY of the storylines right now. Maybe the writers are getting experiencing Covid fatigue, too! 

53 comments:

  1. I agree with you Jenn about Corrie right now; I don't care about any of the storylines. Interesting about retirement & grief stages comparison. There is a lot of pressure to make use of our time at home that is wearing many down; I haven't learnt a new language, I'm not baking bread & I certainly haven't gotten in better shape, oh & I have still have 1 or 2 closets that need sorting out (lol). I still laugh at your Mr Tight Pants ... maybe right now growing your eyelash back is goal enough :) ... Mary-Lou =^[..]^=

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    1. Ha, yes that's a good goal. Eyelash revitalization.

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  2. It's perilously close to a fire when you singe eye lashes. I, the Tigger, have been singed a few times but never eye lashes.

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    1. I didn't realize it had happened until days later!

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  3. Nice to have eyelashes that are actually long enough to get singed! We gave up watching Corrie and Emmerdale a few months ago after being soap addicts for decades, the storylines have just become so ridiculous.

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    1. Now I watch Corontation Street with my remote in my hand so I can fast forward through parts.

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  4. We were forced into retirement a year ago. As self employed caterers it just wasn't possible for us to carry on. It is difficult to get away from feeling that you must achieve all the time. I am now at the stage where I no longer feel guilty if I want to read a book or do a jigsaw puzzle. You are right though that it has been made harder by being restricted. I just think that we have to look forward to how much better it will be when we are all free once more. You sound as though you are doing great apart from singing the eyelashes. Also agree about the corrie story lines.

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    1. Thanks for the words of wisdom, Carol! I know it will just take time.

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  5. Good to hear from you. I sure can relate to your feelings about retirement. It takes a while.....hang in there!

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  6. Retirement is definitely a new chapter--one without a curriculum. The good news is that you get to make it up as you go along. That is also the bad news. However, as one a few years into retirement, I must say that I miss nothing about work: the horrendous commute (100 miles of driving a day), the endless (useless) meetings, certain colleagues whose temperaments were not engaging, to put it mildly. You'll find your niche and hopefully won't feel the compulsion to justify your existence. A common post-retirement problem for many. As is the idea that one doesn't have a prescribed daily schedule. May you find happy ways to adjust...especially once restrictions are lifted.

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    1. Thanks, Mary. It sounds like retirement was a good thing for you. Fortunately, I worked with good people, so I just miss their company. Thanks for the insight!

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  7. I had to retire due to a health issue at the age of 46. It was a strange first year, but it works itself out in the end.
    I keep thinking I'm ready to take a break from Corrie for a bit, then hear about something really interesting about to happen.

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    1. It must have been strange to be done so young! I'm 54 and I feel too young to be retired sometimes!

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  8. Retirement is an adjustment. Eight years after I retired I went crazy and went back to teaching in Alaska for three years. Almost every day I was asking myself what the hell I was doing, when I could be home taking an afternoon nap. Guess I had to get it out of my system. Now these are the good days.
    the Ol'Buzzard

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    1. Thanks for this. I am intending to do some supply days (as soon as teaching happens back in the classroom again). Economically and spiritually I need to. (I'm a terrible napper, but maybe I'll learn).

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  9. The only stage of retirement I went through was JOY. In fact, I'm still in that stage. I love being retired!

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    1. Not yet. Am I correct in guessing you weren't completely enamored by your previous job?

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  10. It takes time to get used to retirement. I find that I always got more done when I was working and had less time. You'll find your niche after a while. Enjoy your day, hugs, Edna B.

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    1. Ha ha, yes, I can already understand that (the part about getting more done when you had less time).

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  11. I have struggled with motivation since I have been retired. I think of the many, many, MANY projects that should be done around my home and garden but can often find ways to avoid doing any of them (reading blogs, playing solitaire!?!) I have settled down a bit and just try to accomplish any small thing so I can feel a little productive while still allowing myself to be lazy if I want.

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    1. Yes, solitaire happens after blog reading and checking out news headlines.

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    2. Exactly! It is like you are peeking in my window! :)

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  12. Two years plus into retirement and I still feel some guilt on those days that I sit and do nothing but watch television (curling mostly) and knit/crochet. For me, what works best, is deciding what I'll do over the week rather than a day. So there is always tomorrow...plus being retired the week never ends. :)

    Glad you didn't burn anything else! Take care, stay well.

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    1. Guilt is an odd thing. I've always wrestled with guilt.

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  13. I once singed my eyebrows while doing a burn off of olive branches. My adult kids still laugh at me about it.
    Retirement is a huge change. Relax!!

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    1. My eyebrows are sparse enough - I'm glad I kept them, at least! I have a hard time relaxing.

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  14. Personally, I don't think we humans do well with change. :o\ Even good changes can seem difficult. (Why is that?) When we're getting up and going out to work each day, our whole bodies and systems are tuned to a certain way of operating . . . out of necessity. Now you have to give yourself time for your head, heart and hands to adjust to a new way of functioning. It's just another phase or stage of our lives (remember adding the first baby to the family?) we go through. You're doin' fine, singed eyelashes and all!

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  15. Retirement is a big adjustment in this journey of life. Sounds like you are doing well to navigate it and find out what will work for you. I am busier now in "retirement" than I was when I worked full time. You will find your way. I retired at 50 years old and have had 12 years now in "retirement". I love it and like my freedom to do nothing if that is the case!!!! Covid is not helping any of us no matter where we are in life. Just praying for better days ahead. Have a great new week. Come and help me pack up for our move lol! Lots of busy to do here. xoxo

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    1. I don't know how you do it - packing up and starting up in a new house. I'm looking forward to when I can have your mindset about retirement.

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  16. I pvr coronation street as well and sometimes I fast forward through the parts that drive me nuts.

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    1. I want the good old days of Coronation street, I don't want them giving me story lines of whatever political flavour of the week it is.

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  17. I stopped working almost four years ago. I am still adjusting mentally. I can't say more than that in a short space but for me it has not been easy. I frequently wrestle with feeling guilty about doing nothing.

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    1. I'm glad to hear your perspective. As I mentioned to someone in comments above, I have wrestled with guilt for various reasons over the years, with the ideas of what I should have done, what I should be doing... Nobody is putting this on me, it's all internal.

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  18. I retired about 4 years ago - kept myself super busy the first year - found myself bored the second year - and went back to PT work the third year! I continue to work PT (from home now - and it will probably remain at least half the time from home even when we open up). I also started to volunteer - which I enjoy - but you do have to be careful not to be TOO available.

    It takes a while to find the balance that works for you but it does get easier. Those of us who have worked outside the home all our lives and are used to "hitting the floor running" do find it tricky. If I had to do it over - and if I'd had the choice - I would recommend that people try to ease out - 4 days/week to 3 days/week - that sort of thing. You will adjust.

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    1. Thank you for sharing this, Margie. I think that is why doing a little supply teaching appeals to me (when possible again). I'm still at the "super busy" stage.

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  19. It takes awhile. When I first retired, I took two weeks up north -- one for art camp, the other visiting retirees I knew who lived in various spots up there and I asked them their best lessons. It was illuminating. For weeks I did as you did -- make lists, cross off, make more lists. There was something on the calendar regularly. Eventually it will calm down. I still have trouble giving myself permission to read or do a jigsaw or watch a movie in the daytime. It's easier at the lake; at home I feel like there is too much other stuff I should do. Not that I'm doing it. But you'll find your path and the ways it works for you. And you will indeed love it -- especially after Covid calms down a bit. If it ever calms down a bit.

    Sorry about the singeing and the eyebrow. I'm just glad it wasn't the rest of you!

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    1. Thanks, Jeanie! I think doing something those first two weeks was a good idea for you. I'm still listing :)

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  20. You have hit the nail on the head, so to speak. This retirement business sure does take some getting used to. I still have to lie in bed in the morning and try to figure out what day it is. It must be so hard for both the children and the teachers to do everything online. The personal interaction is so important - especially for the young ones.

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    1. Yes, sometimes I have to check to figure out the day, too.

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  21. I wonder when we do come to ground, and what that is. I remember leaving my corporate job and starting up a business with my sister. It was a twenty year success, but as she told me later, I was a terror the first five years or so.

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    1. Taking up another form of work obviously was a good idea for you. (I'm assuming it was weaving?)

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  22. Hmmm, that is something I never knew, that there are stages of retirement. Must look into that.

    God bless.

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  23. Wow thank goodness you didn't burn your eyes... They have you all on lockdown again? I just don't understand it.. if the lockdowns worked then the virus would be contained.. As for the kids not being in school, here in my state in the US my governor is having to fight the teachers union to get the kids back in school. It is safe to go back to school and the emotional damage it's causing to the kids is far worse...The teachers are also struggling as well, most of them any how. There are more though sadly, who would rather just stay home because they want to stay home which is where the problem is coming in.

    As for retirement.. I didn't retire 18 yrs ago when we moved from a job but I retired from a very rat racy life. I grew up and lived until I was 32 yrs old about 35 minutes outside NYC and no matter what kind of life you had it was a rat race whether you wanted it or not. Thats just how the cities up north work.

    After being in the South about 4 years I finally had learned to slow down my body and my mind and live a more simpler slower life although I will tell you, every once in a while like the last week and half I will find myself running around again like a chicken with it's head cut off and then I realize it's time to reign it in again because my body starts feeling it in a big way. So as of tonight, Im back to slow living again.. You will get there eventually too and you'll find your new normal...

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    1. Ontario is a huge province and there are some areas where the numbers are very big, and going up (they think due to the new variants of Covid). We are far far behind in vaccines compared to other countries. So rather than focusing on just the "hot spots", the premier put the entire province into lockdown and all schools are going back to online.

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  24. I am about a year and half from retirement my husband has been retired from teaching for about 10 years because of health issues. I keep moaning I can't wait to retire and my husband always says be careful what you wish for.I agree the pandemic is not helping you adjust. I am in NH and we are opening up more each day even though our numbers are not as good as they were. My daughter teaches and it has been a hellish year first lock down, then hybrid, now full time with not enough special ed teachers. She will have her second vaccine on Friday I am thankful for that. But she can not wait for the year to end. I worked on cleaning gardens yesterday and getting ready to plant a very small veggie garden. We are not going out like we use to or seeing friends so we keep busy here with house projects and I have a hobby I love.
    good luck to you and your Canadian friends getting through.
    cathy

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    1. Thank you. My last year was a combination of online teaching and in class teaching. We had to learn how to do it very quickly with not much support. I don't miss online at all.

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  25. I'm sure it will take some time for you to get into a nice rhythm and not feel compelled to do it all at ONE time. Pace yourself, enjoy your days and get to things as they come. Easier said than done, right?
    I'm amazed at the school closings again. We've been IN school here in Florida for a long time with no issues. Must be very hard on the teachers and students.

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  26. I retired in 1999 (at age 57) I was so happy and excited, I woke up every morning at 3:00...and got up. I felt like I needed to stay busy every minute of every day and am still that way. My husband fusses about it. These have been the happiest years of my life! I've just about worked myself to death...turning our five acrea of woods into a yard. Hope your eyelashes grow back real soon.

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  27. I think a lot of us have been brought up with the Victorian idea that we should always be doing something useful. But I'm a great believer in having some time to do absolutely nothing - it is the great revitaliser!

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  28. It was so odd for me when I retired. I just seemed to move into being home as if I'd been doing this all along. Maybe because I had storytelling, eBay, gardens and such that used to fill my evenings and weekends and at retirement just expanded a little to fill the days too? I don't know but it wasn't much of a transition, just more of the same except more time to do it. I have relaxed though, in the past year or so. I get up later, take my time getting dressed, breakfast is usually after 9, and this past year has convinced me to cut way back on storytelling. I'm no longer "pushing" I guess, although I still feel that "I should be doing x instead of reading/writing/resting" pressure. Maybe one day that will finally go away too.

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