Let's just get to the point. When you stand a little too close to the burn barrel as you are feeding it dried shrub cuttings and other old bits of fauna, sometimes you get a little singed. As in, now when I put on mascara, there is a definite difference in the eyelash length of my left eye compared to the right eye. But since we are now in lockdown / shut down / stay at home, but still go to the grocery store / here we go again time, it doesn't much matter that my eyes don't match, but it still bugs the hell out of me!
So... this whole retirement thing is pretty odd. At first it just felt like a long weekend, or March Break (ha ha, which is now actually April Break). Then I had to fight the compulsion that every day had to count. I had to be busy every single day with something that gave me pride in accomplishing. I have spent a lot of time cutting back shrubs and old dried up perennials (and then burning the refuse). I have made decent suppers almost every night. I have organized and checked things off lists, and made more lists. I have read books and have a stack of three more to tackle. I have tracked calories and dealt with banking things (which I have a great fear of) and I have said a heart-felt goodbye to our old cell phone company and narrowed us down to just husband and I on our new plan (bye bye young adult son, you are on your own now!) and I have changed from flannel sheets to cotton.
But this has to stop. Nobody is checking to make sure I have been gainfully accomplishing things of importance. You must understand, though, that when we were both teaching, we would hit the ground running at the very end of June, beginning of July, trying to make progress on house projects, or outdoor jobs, or automotive issues. "Time off" for us has always been filled with things we couldn't do when we were dead dog tired after long work days.
I even looked up some retirement things and discovered there are stages of retirement (kind of like stages of grief). Interesting stuff. I need to be patient with myself as I go through this mental rollercoaster of emotions. I truly think it wouldn't be nearly as odd, or tough if we weren't still slogging our way through this pandemic. I could be going more places, seeing more people, just enjoying more choices.
I heard today that Mr. Tightpants minister of education put forth a letter to parents yesterday that it was his wish to be sure that students stayed in school (this week is the delayed "March Break") after this week. Now today, a mere 24 hours later, Mr. Good Ol' Boy Premier of Ontario has announced that ALL Ontario schools (not just those in the hot spots) will be closed after this week indefinitely. I can only imagine how my colleagues are feeling right now. Trying to carry on a normal programme online is a nightmare. Speaking only for myself, I always wanted to stay in the classroom. I always wanted to have the kids there.
Here's a bit of real time fun. I'm upstairs in our bedroom, my laptop on my lap. I came up here after supper. Husband just poked his head in the room wondering what I was doing, saying it was surprising that I didn't want to watch Coronation Street after supper. I told him I was fine, I was just doing some blogging. He replied, "Some mundane Monday." I said, "No, and actually I'd forgotten all about mundane Monday until you just mentioned it!"
Anyway, there you have it. Now I think I will head back downstairs and watch Coronation Street (it is set to record daily), although truth be told, I am not enjoying ANY of the storylines right now. Maybe the writers are getting experiencing Covid fatigue, too!
